Alpha

>> Alpha Course

Alpha is a free course and is intended for those people who are interested in finding out more about the Christian faith. It is carried out in an informal, non-threatening environment and includes a meal, a short talk and discussion groups.

Visit the Alpha Website to find out a little bit more information on the course structure.

This is the story of Angus Lockie who attended one of our earlier courses.

"I grew up in Stratford upon Avon in a stable home; I don’t recall remembering anytime when my parents argued. They were both church goers and as a result, so was I, from a very early age. I used to hate it having to get dressed up in a shirt and tie and were a woolly jumper it always made me itch and as such always fidgeted at church much to my mothers annoyance who kept banging home, don’t scratch!

I did not understand church. I understood that we were celebrating a chap called God but as to who or where this person was I had no idea. My parents were very strict everything had to be done their way you had no room for expressionism or quite simply having an opinion of your own.

I went to four schools in total, Warwick school in Warwick obviously, Arden Hurst in Henley in Arden and Dean Close in Cheltenham I hated Dean Close from day one right through to the time I left. It was a boarding School and I was bullied constantly. And with nowhere to run to, it destroyed me. I was very withdrawn and constantly thought about suicide. I did not learn much about god from my RE teacher either his lessons consisted of learning the inn’s and outs of J.R.Tolkiens The Hobbit Which I passed. I left school when I was 16 with two O levels In Physics and Maths.

After leaving school I went to college at Bournville College of Art in Birmingham and studied Photography. For the first year I commuted from home to college in the second year I moved to Birmingham and lived with two college mates. This was my first introduction to drugs. Literally the first day I was there they introduced me to mushroom tea. I remember sitting on the sofa in the lounge looking at the darkness through the window shaking from what I thought was the cold or the mushrooms my whole body was gyrating. Neil my flat mate then walked in and asked if I was alright I explained my feelings to which he moved over to the window and drew the curtains they were red and I instantly felt warm and stopped shivering. I used mushrooms every year from then up and till I was 24 Along with dope which I gave up in December of 1994. I passed my course much to the delight of my parents.

I moved to London when I was 18 and moved in with a polish lass who was 33, my parents were mortified. We lived together for 2 years. I had numerous jobs in that time I could never settle into one thing. In 1991 Ula, the polish lass, Visa ran out and she had to go back to Poland I was devastated and promised her I would come and see her. I never did we lost contact over time.

It was at this time I decided to travel and as such I got a ticket and ended up travelling around Europe by train for a month and ended my trip in Prague in the Czech Republic where I got work as a tout for a youth hostel I was there for five years.

It was this time I got heavily involved in drugs and alcohol I was drinking 24 7 it was cheap 15p a bottle the drugs were cheap as well. I was heavily involved in acid ecstasy and dope and started dealing in them as well to the guest of the hostel. I never made any money because I was using constantly. By the time 1995 came around I could not pick up work anywhere because my reputation was so bad. A drunk and a druggy. So I hitched out of town and landed in Paris where I got a job in a restaurant only to loose it 2 weeks later because of the booze.

I then decided enough was enough and I moved back to Britain I landed in Portsmouth on a brisk November mourning and this is where I stayed for 10 years

I spent the first 3 years on the sick suffering from constant panic attacks, brought on by the use of drugs, which I was still using. I suffered from panic attacks for about 10 years. They stopped when I stopped using. I spent the following 2 Years searching for something I did not know what but it was like having an empty space in my heart in a desperate attempt to fill it I joined a coven of witches for two years and practised in witchcraft. I left when I was sexually assaulted by one of the male members of the coven. It was at this point a started speaking to god. And decided that I wanted to become a Christian again. But was not sure how to do it. So I left it alone and went back to work I told people I was a Christian but I didn’t really know what I meant to be one.

I had numerous jobs over the next 5 years loosing each one because of the bottle. I was very unreliable. I met Michelle in 2002 I instantly fell in love with her she was beautiful in all respects I proposed to her 1 year in to our relationship and she accepted. Things were looking good I had a good job as a security guard at a new development in Portsmouth and I was in love, but with the love came a sure footedness and I started drinking heavily again and smoking dope constantly and I started to become unreliable again to the point where I became complacent towards Michelle which finally resulted in us having a heat argument and us breaking up in the spring of 2004. It broke my heart. But it was my fault.

It was not long after this I started hearing voices I thought people were spying on me and that I was somehow picking up on there every conversation it was really quite disturbing I thought the underworld was out to get me, I’ve spoken to other sufferers of schizophrenia since then and this was quite a common assumption.

I started having conversations out loud with these invisible voices and my flatmates soon picked up on it they thought I was going mad and funnily enough I thought I was going mad at the time. They decided they weren’t going to put up with it and after having a fight with one of them I finally decided to leave Portsmouth and my home for good. I was hoping the voices would stay put in Portsmouth but they didn’t they followed me. I went home to my folks in the hope of getting help but I was not welcome they were scared of me I told them I was hearing voices but still they did not want me there it was at this point my brother took me for a drive and gave me £2000 and told me to leave and that I was not welcome. I left that night and did not know where to go the voices were getting more intense each and every day I spent 3 nights wondering round Portsmouth lost, a week in Bournemouth a week in Paddington station London where the voices were at the worst I was even suffering from hallucinations at this point. And then back down to Portsmouth where I spent another two nights walking aimlessly around fighting with the voices in my head.

I hitched a ride out of Portsmouth it was now December 2004 from a service man he turned out to be a Good Samaritan and bought me a meal at a Little Chef. He asked me where I was going and I said where ever he was he said Dorchester so I said that was fine. I spent two nights in a B & B called The Junction - it felt strangely apt as if this was my turning point in my life and funnily enough it was. I got a bus to Weymouth and then spent about 2 weeks in numerous B & B’s. I learnt about a place called The Lantern and sought help there and they got me into a house which was supported accommodation.

It was perfect I had a roof over my head I could call home food in the house I could help myself to and other people in the house I could talk to. And it was here that a met my good friend Rob.

I got help and support from the manager of the house Izzy Robinson she arranged an appointment for me to see a shrink and I am know taking medication that gets rid of the voices Hallelujah.

Rob, it turned out was a Christian and a churchgoer, this was a great relief for me at last I had met somebody who went to church and who could guide me into a Christian life. He told me about an Alpha course that had just started and that it was a course to guide people into a Christian life. I lapped it up it felt good I had been yearning for Christianity ever since I left the coven but I had never found the right avenue and here it was given to me on a plate, thank you Rob. Alpha was excellent nobody had actually bothered to tell me the simplest thing that was Jesus died on the cross for our sins. I never knew that, It was a great relief to me. Jesus forgives me, and now I could walk with him, it really is that simple. Alpha taught me to have faith in myself as well as others how to forgive how to pray, how I should read the Bible and draw from its words who the Holy Spirit was and how to resist evil - it gave me all I needed to enter in the world of Christianity and I loved it.

My whole life has turned around now since the Alpha course I’ve been free of drink and drugs since 12 December 2004 - I don’t swear, I don’t blaspheme, I don’t indulge in porn, I pray at night and read my bible and love my neighbour and my friends and I talk to God. I got baptised in the summer by full emersion along with a few other people from our church and a sister church in Dorchester - it was a fantastic moment.

I really believe that God Guided me to Weymouth, and that he has something special planed for me. I love life now and love who I have turned out to be and I can thank Jesus for that and the Alpha Course and Weymouth Family Church who have supported me the whole way."

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Page last updated: Tuesday, 20 October 2009